Friday, May 19, 2006


…set an open course for the virgin sea…

It all started when I was in my office cleaning my blaster. Qui-gon stepped inside and saw me and suddenly freaked out.


Then using the force, he knocked the gun out of my hand. I looked up at him with a mixture of confusion and irritation. “Hey, I was..”

“I know man. But it’s not worth it. You still have plenty of life in you yet. I know you’ve been under a strain lately but you can’t shoot yourself.”
”Wha-? Shoot myself? No I…”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t mind the company in the Æther, man, but it’s just not your time. Besides…I really don’t want to clean up the mess. You ever clean up jawa brains? Man, that stuff is worse than cleaning pudding.”

“Um….ya done?”

Qui-gon thought about it for a moment. Looked at my jar of metal polish and opened it up, draining the liquid onto the rug. “uh…..yeah. I think so.”

“Okay, first off, I was just cleaning my old blaster. I had nothing better to do this afternoon. The brownie business is running so smooth; I hardly have to do anything anymore.”

“Really? Gee, you look pretty tired of late, man.”

“I could say the same for you too, my friend. But yes, I feel tired. Sort of all thin and stretched, if you know what I mean; like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday. I’ve lived all my life on a desert planet and now I want to see oceans. Oceans, Qui-Gon. Oceans! I think it’s time I took a long cruise. I’ve been looking into an ocean liner that does such things for months at a time. …I’ve booked myself on one.”

“Oh….wow…um….well…I hope you have a nice time, man. I hope it helps you. Really.”

I smiled up at Qui-Gon. “I have a second ticket…if you want it?”

Qui-Gon looked at the ticket then looked at the spilled metal polish. “Maybe it will help me with my…um…. ‘problem’.”

“It may just do that. Not to mention they have all you can eat Funyuns on board.”

That brightened him up.

So after a hasty few days of packing and setting things straight here at home, we took a transport to the planet Tropic-0 where gigantic cruise ships do nothing but sail around in the balmy ocean. Our cabins were huge and had balconies that overlooked the sea. There was food a-plenty of every imaginable cuisine (I could even get my spicy BBQ ronto intestines). They had live music at night and even a floating casino. They had everything! After a few days I began to truly relax for the first time in years.

Qui-Gon himself began to relax too. He hardly ever opened up jars of stuff anymore. He was back to his old ethereal self.

One afternoon as we reclined in our deck chairs watching the sun fall into the sea, Qui-Gon turned to me and said, “Sunsets are like life, man.”

I looked over to see he was gobbing a brownie and waited for the bizarre explanation. But this time he surprised me.

“Sunsets are like life because they are so beautiful and no two are exactly the same. But they are so fleeting, man. You really only have a few moments to really enjoy their beauty before they slip away, you know? And so many people don’t even step outside and watch a sunset…not even their sunset. They’re too involved in other things that they just miss them. I don’t think there’s any thing sadder than seeing someone who’s missed their own sunset. I mean, it’s yours, man. How can someone be so distracted with other things and not fully enjoy their sunset?”

I thought about it. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean, old friend.”

I offered Qui-Gon one of my special cigars and for a wonder, he tried it. He then offered me a brownie and I ate it. We then looked out over the golden ocean and watched the sun drip into the sea.

I was glad to share this sunset with Qui.

Lay down…your sweet and weary head…
Night is falling. You’ve come to journey’s end.
Sleep now and dream of the ones who came before…
They are calling…from across a distant shore…

Why do you weep? What are these tear upon your face?
Soon you will see all of your fears will pass away
…safe in my arms.
You’re only sleeping.

What can you see…
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea…
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home.

…and all will turn to silver glass A light on the water…
…into the west.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Just a random thought...

Arrrgg! Once again, stuck in rush hour traffic coming home from Tatooine.

Hmmm… It’s been ages since I’ve heard from the F.O.O.F. boys. I wonder how they are holding up in Fluke’s absence.


Monday, May 08, 2006

The J.A.W.A. Convention: Day 3

Finally, the last day of the convention. Not that the other stuff wasn’t all shits and giggles but come on. I’m really only here to get my award. The coveted...prized…golden…Jawa Award! (also known as the Shemp for some reason)

Hmmm…I think they’re making it with lead this year. Of course we had to sit through a long seminar with supposedly important jawas making speeches on how much we’ve contributed to the galaxy and what a credit our race is. Oh jeez, please! Everyone knows jawas are looked upon by almost everyone as just one step up from the common cockroach and three steps up from Snivians.

So, I had to sit through speech after speech with just some watered down drinks to keep me satisfied until they handed out the award. Qui Gon sat beside me the entire time which got a lot of odd looks since most only saw a hovering poncho. But I could see he was drifting off to sleep too.

Finally, the awards ceremony was announced but not before some entertainment…

Man, they were bad! What are we doing with an Earth band at a J.A.W.A. convention anyway?

Finally the chairman of J.A.W.A. came up to announce the three finalists.

“Today we come to honor three very important jawas. Jawas who have made a difference in the galaxy and thus deserve special recognition. The first of the three is L’ookeebee, whose research in advanced sleeping techniques directly in the hot sun has allowed major breakthroughs in slacking.”

“Next we have N’ooo’bb, an eccentric inventor from the Dune Sea and creator of the giant Space Nipple.”

“And thirdly, a jawa who wishes to only be known as J.J. whose remarkable skills in the marketing of yummy fudgy chocolaty spiced brownies has brought the galaxy much joy in a time of unrest.”

“And the winner is……” I got up. “N’ooo’bb, for his giant Space Nipple.” I sat down.

Man, I was robbed. I give the galaxy spiced brownies and I don’t even win a Shemp? That blows! I slump down in my chair as this Noob guy walks up and get his award. Whatever.

“Ain’t it time for us to be leaving yet?” I asked lighting a cigar and folding my arms.

“Uh yeah, we can go now, J.J.” said Qui Gon. “Besides…you got to go back and count all those millions of credits you’re making from your business.”

I smiled up at him. He always knew the right thing to say.

I guess it wasn’t a total loss. It was nice seeing everyone again. I came out of the casino’s ahead, Qui bought some rare plants for his garden and as runner up I got this cool autographed picture of Queen Galacta.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The J.A.W.A. Convention: Day 2

This is the day of the convention I think I might enjoy the most. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to win my award tomorrow but I’ll have to sit through the seminar first. Almost a whole day of jawa’s talking and patting each other on the back. They just need to pat me on the back and get done with it.

But today was the day when all the new jawa-made gadgets got rolled out for all to see. It was a regular what’s new in the field of transports and droids. Unfortunately the main convention room was still being cleaned up from last nights festivities so they had to show the stuff outside in the parking lot. Oh well.

The place was packed and everyone clamored to get a glimpse of the new crap.

When it came to droids, there was this nifty bird droid. It always stayed on its perch and it never pooped. It could also sing in 3000 different bird song.

But on closer inspection I saw that the bird itself was stuffed and nailed to the perch. The jawa hawking it said it had to be nailed or else it would take off…voom! I had my doubts.

One of the more interesting droids I saw was this TOK-32 Tauntaun belly scratching droid. Man, that tauntaun looks like he’s in haven.

Next were the new vehicles of tomorrow. Like this compact sandcrawler. Jeez, these things are getting smaller each year.

Or this dog-cycle-thingy that actually walks itself.

Some of the gadgets made even less sense. Like this cell phone for Rancors. I mean, come on? Who do Rancors have to call anyway? Room service? They get their food brought to em.

And this giant space nipple….um….I’m not even going to speculate what it’s for. (or why so many earth people hovered around it . ...Earthmen are kinda creepy anyway... )

But all in all it was a very interesting day. Hell, even the local officials handed out free goodies to the kids at the end.