Mondays with Dooku: Reflections

Oh my, does it ever feel good to be free. That’s correct. Due to the remarkable legal abilities of Jo Jo, our barrister, we have managed to prove our innocence and escape that hell hole of a prison once and for all. Who knew dead monkeyboys were so well versed in the law?

But you need not listen to my prattlings, all can be read about it here, and quite well done too, if I may say so.

And after finishing up some…eh …loose ends, shall we say, Qui Gon and I are back at his fine penthouse domicile once more. All though, there are still some sticky matters for him to clean up yet. The most prominent one is the fact that their brownie making abilities are halted until a new spice permit could be acquired. This, of course, can not transpire until both Qui Gon and J.J. are present, and at present the jawa is still locked in the Big Brother house. So until then…no more brownies.

Very discouraging for them…but very profitable for myself. McDooku’s is doing a stupendous business and profits are through the roof. I hate to be benefiting from my old padawan’s misfortune…but I am a card carrying Sith Lord after all.

Now unfortunately, my time in prison has left me in a bit of a disheveled state. With no proper grooming instruments or adequate clothes I have seemed to have let myself go, as they say. …As you can see here in this picture the day I was released.

Now the first thing you might say is, “Oh Dooku, what has happened to that fine head of hair of yours?” Well you would be surprised to know that this isn’t the first time I have had a rather…how should I say…bad hair day. It seems looking through old yearbooks of mine of my school days of youth I have had even worse hair. Would you like to see what I looked like then? I must tell you now, it’s none too pleasant.

I still don’t quite understand what I was voted for, but oh well.

Prison has also made me a bit…testy, it seems. And I fear it is high time to do a bit of Jedi smiting. But with so many Jedi running around these days, I’m having a bit of trouble deciding who I should go after?

Should I go and smite…

Obi-Wan Kenobi? After all, he’s British and his arrogant manner is rather peeving. But I’m not sure if it would be a fair fight. He has let himself go these days and besides, I would hate to get Cheeto stains on my cape.

Mace Windu? Here’s another easy mark. All I need to do is throw some force lightning in his face and he will cry like a babe. For those of you who are unaware, force lightning dries out the skin oh so terribly and produced deep wrinkles.

Ki-Mundy? Or ol moon head as we once called him. He is getting on in years and I swear his chin is getting to be the size of a small speeder. A rather easy mark I must say.

Anakin Skywalker? Now here’s a beastly chap. Almost makes me wish he were on the dark side. A lot of anger in this one. But unfortunately a lot of arrogance too. And one sith lord with arrogance is all I can handle. And besides, he should be smited simply for the fact that he doesn’t even speak proper Queen’s English.

Or there is always Master Yoda? We have yet to conclusively determine just who the better of us is. And I hear he is soaking his bunions for the next few days. This would be an excellent time for a surprise attack on the old chap.

Oh well, I’ll have another cup of tea and mull it over for now.

Cheerio!