Return of the Squirrel

“Yado!!! You’ve returned! It’s been so long.” My little squeaky voice cracked with glee.

“It is good to see you too, my Nuteye Knight Padwan.” Yado said with a smile before franticly biting his butt at a bothersome flee. “Damn things. Even if I’m dead I still get force flees. Is there no justice?”

“Woah….Yado. Like man, it’s so good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Qui-Gon Jinn. The Force has been good to you. You’re hair is so shinny.”

“Oh yeah. It’s that new conditioner I got. It was only…”

“uh…you guys know you’re talking to a squirrel in a cape, right?” Oneida had to point out.

“Oh yeah, it’s okay. He’s our Nuteye Knight Master. He trained both of us in the ways of THE FUR!”

“…the fur?”

“no. THE FUR!”

The commander looked and Qui and myself kinda funny like. “Ooooookay. Well, look at the time. I guess I should be going now. Your ship is in your garage and preprogrammed to take you to Muggmur. Good luck, J.J.” And with that, the commander took her leave of us.

“We are alone now. Good. Talk with you, I must. Very important, it is. Although sorry to see her go, I am. Nice gams she has.”

“So what are you doing here, Yado? I haven’t seen you since the whole Darth Lemur storyline.” (Starting here) “Does this have to do with my Crazy Uncle E’etooi kidnapping my ma so him and his two crazed chimps can lure me to their hideout and kill me?”

Yado froze where he stood and looked at me amazed. “How did…? You mean I came all the way through the Æther….just to….and you already knew about…”

“Yeah, commander Oneida just briefed me. I’m heading there right now…with my new lightsaber. Me and Uncle E’etooi are gonna have us a nice long chat…”

Next thing you know, I was smacked in the head by a force ghost paw. “you fool! Don’t you understand? That’s exactly what he wants.”

“But he kidnapped my ma…”

“I just came from your trailer park on Tatooine. Your mom is fine. She’s still there heating up some Chef-boy-R-Dewback for the family. Your Uncle E’etooi only said that to get you to come to him…so he can kill you.”

“That’s okay. I got a lightsaber now.”

Again with another savage blow to the head. “You’re no Jedi. You can’t use the Force. You’re only hope is to use THE FUR! And even then I bet you haven’t been practicing your lessons, have you?”

I looked down at my feet.

“I thought not. Don’t you realize what your Uncle is? He’s your Arch enemy!! Everyone throughout their lives has one arch enemy. A person of great strength and evilness that plagues them throughout their life. It is this person one must overcome before you die to have their life complete. Your Uncle is this person for you. This will be your toughest fight…and you must do this…alone.”

“Do you have an arch enemy, Yado?” asked Qui-Gon.

“Yes. Even I have an arch enemy. ….damn you, Mittens!! But it is you I must advise now. You will have to use every trick I have taught you about THE FUR! to defeat him. This will be your greatest challenge!”

“oh…so I suppose you’re saying I should use my baton against him and leave the lightsaber at home.”

Another smack to the head! “What are you, nuts? That lightsaber beats the hell out of some crappy-ass baton! You take that thing and slice him from here to Tuesday! Now go on. You have a date with destiny!”

“I…I won’t let you down, Yado. I’ll make you proud of me. I’ll make you see that I am worthy to still carry the name of Nuteye Knight!”

“Go then. Time is wasting. And may THE FUR! be with you.”

I then lit up a cigar and gave Qui-Gon a warm smile. “I’ll be back, buddy. Take care of the place while I’m gone.”

“You be careful, J.J. I’m not ready to see you in the Æther just yet.”

With lightsaber in hand, I then raced to the garage and hopped in my waiting ship and took off to the planet Muggmun…to face my destiny.

“So…” Yado said after my departure. “Can I have his room if he bites the big one?”

“Oh…uh…I guess so.”

“Great. What do you have to eat around here?”

“You like brownies?”