It seems there is a general misconception of Yoda these days; one of a wholesome, grandfatherly gentleman who parcels out advice and offers help when needed. This, of course, is a façade. Master Yoda and myself go back a long ways and I can tell you with the utmost truthfulness that he is not the roll model most make him out to be. (Sorry old chap, but the world deserves to know the truth.)
You see, ol Yoda isn’t the Jedi he use to be. I dare say, his metaclorine count has been drastically declining of late. No wonder all he does is administer force wedgies. Such tactics require only a smidgen of the force to pull off. He has been reduced to nothing more than a nursemaid to other sub par Jedi. I hear he even has a blind bantha for a pet (or is it Obi-Wan. So hard to tell, these days.)
His past is nothing to be proud of either. Take for instance, this picture where he is partaking in smoking spice.
That’s just wrong. Everyone knows the best way to partake in spice is to bake it in brownies.
This, of course was a throwback to his earlier days as a beatnik. Ugh! Those clothes should be enough to warrant charges with the galactic senate.
He’s been a pimp...
He’s even used steroids.
And the worst offence of all, he’s been know to indulge in cow tipping.
I’m sorry to have to bring this to the forefront of all you readers out there. I know it hurts to discover the failings of a beloved roll model, but it’s for your own good.
I hope you can all rest well now.
I know I’ll need a valium after this.
Tally-ho!
12 comments:
we sould all remember the workds of Emperess N. Regan. "just say Noda to living like Yoda"
Very wise trooper.
But what's this about you all carrying a card that identifies you as dark side? You mean all we've had to do to figure out if someone is on the dark side is to check their wallet? Huh, well, that'll make things easier in the future
So That's why I was able to copy the Force Wedgie with my own version the Ki wedgie so easily.
That was, of course, a figure of speech. We don’t really have cards identifying us as sith…that would be ridiculous.
Rifles through wallet…takes out a laminated card and hides it in his robes
Hey I'm not going to be the one to frisk you, that's what I have clones for, so keep that in mind when you put that card somewhere.
So does the card do anything for you, like get you discounts at Sith Inc. companies?
Well its obvious to me that we been buying our information from the same spies.
As long as the Real Yoda is unmasked.
Hey Little green man, feel like ya got a target on yer back lately?
Look, a very experimental time, the sixties were. Besides, inhale I did not!
If so low my midiclorian count is now, afraid to show up your smiting down appointment why are you?
He sits in a freezer friskys dolly parton mannequins and now this lol
but then again wouldnt this make "he is the wisest" true I mean he has seen it all, done it all and even has the T shirt
Commander Oneida: Unfortunately the only discounts the card enables me is a 20% discount at “Speedo-World”. Rather chincy actually.
Yoda: I suppose it’s time to once and for all see who the “smiting king” actually is.
You shall be hearing from me shortly.
Oh dear, I’ll need to acquire a new top hat for this event, and maybe some spats.
JJ:
you have been tagged
http://armyofclone.blogspot.com/
If you want dirt on Yoda - come see me. I am sure in a short time I can find out just about anything - for a price. :)I like Nandian Brinda.
Wedge: that is not true, right here in the manual it say I can blow my nose on my own if it is a snot emergency.
OH snapdragons, I got you good there
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