Monday, January 23, 2006

Guest Poster-Dooku: The More You Know...About Yoda

Dear, dear me. It’s so unpleasant to bring up the ghastly underbelly of someone else’s seedy side; I almost hate to do it. But I am, after all, a card carrying member of the dark side so I suppose it would be in my nature.

It seems there is a general misconception of Yoda these days; one of a wholesome, grandfatherly gentleman who parcels out advice and offers help when needed. This, of course, is a façade. Master Yoda and myself go back a long ways and I can tell you with the utmost truthfulness that he is not the roll model most make him out to be. (Sorry old chap, but the world deserves to know the truth.)

You see, ol Yoda isn’t the Jedi he use to be. I dare say, his metaclorine count has been drastically declining of late. No wonder all he does is administer force wedgies. Such tactics require only a smidgen of the force to pull off. He has been reduced to nothing more than a nursemaid to other sub par Jedi. I hear he even has a blind bantha for a pet (or is it Obi-Wan. So hard to tell, these days.)

His past is nothing to be proud of either. Take for instance, this picture where he is partaking in smoking spice.

That’s just wrong. Everyone knows the best way to partake in spice is to bake it in brownies.

This, of course was a throwback to his earlier days as a beatnik. Ugh! Those clothes should be enough to warrant charges with the galactic senate.

He’s been a pimp...

He’s even used steroids.

And the worst offence of all, he’s been know to indulge in cow tipping.

I’m sorry to have to bring this to the forefront of all you readers out there. I know it hurts to discover the failings of a beloved roll model, but it’s for your own good.

I hope you can all rest well now.

I know I’ll need a valium after this.



A Army Of (Cl)One said...

we sould all remember the workds of Emperess N. Regan. "just say Noda to living like Yoda"

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Very wise trooper.

But what's this about you all carrying a card that identifies you as dark side? You mean all we've had to do to figure out if someone is on the dark side is to check their wallet? Huh, well, that'll make things easier in the future

Vegeta said...

So That's why I was able to copy the Force Wedgie with my own version the Ki wedgie so easily.

Count Dooku said...

That was, of course, a figure of speech. We don’t really have cards identifying us as sith…that would be ridiculous.

Rifles through wallet…takes out a laminated card and hides it in his robes

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Hey I'm not going to be the one to frisk you, that's what I have clones for, so keep that in mind when you put that card somewhere.

So does the card do anything for you, like get you discounts at Sith Inc. companies?

Jabafatboy said...

Well its obvious to me that we been buying our information from the same spies.

As long as the Real Yoda is unmasked.

Hey Little green man, feel like ya got a target on yer back lately?

Master Yoda said...

Look, a very experimental time, the sixties were. Besides, inhale I did not!

If so low my midiclorian count is now, afraid to show up your smiting down appointment why are you?

Vampirella said...

He sits in a freezer friskys dolly parton mannequins and now this lol

but then again wouldnt this make "he is the wisest" true I mean he has seen it all, done it all and even has the T shirt

Count Dooku said...

Commander Oneida: Unfortunately the only discounts the card enables me is a 20% discount at “Speedo-World”. Rather chincy actually.

Yoda: I suppose it’s time to once and for all see who the “smiting king” actually is.
You shall be hearing from me shortly.
Oh dear, I’ll need to acquire a new top hat for this event, and maybe some spats.

Count Dooku said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
flu said...

HEY! What the heck?

Why isn't my blogroll informing me of these updates?

Dooku! What did Yoodu?!?!

nice pics, btw.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

you have been tagged

NandeHi said...

If you want dirt on Yoda - come see me. I am sure in a short time I can find out just about anything - for a price. :)I like Nandian Brinda.

Wedge Antillies said...

So, there is the Dark side, and then there is the Sith, but there are only two Sith at one time, the Master and the Apprentice.

Now, who issues these Dark Side cards? Is it the Sith, or is there an organization of Dark Side Jedi that elects the Sith?

You know, being in the military for so long does make me ask a lot of (stupid) questions.

And AOC, hey I hear you can't blow your nose without permission!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Wedge: that is not true, right here in the manual it say I can blow my nose on my own if it is a snot emergency.

OH snapdragons, I got you good there