It seems there is a general misconception of Yoda these days; one of a wholesome, grandfatherly gentleman who parcels out advice and offers help when needed. This, of course, is a façade. Master Yoda and myself go back a long ways and I can tell you with the utmost truthfulness that he is not the roll model most make him out to be. (Sorry old chap, but the world deserves to know the truth.)
You see, ol Yoda isn’t the Jedi he use to be. I dare say, his metaclorine count has been drastically declining of late. No wonder all he does is administer force wedgies. Such tactics require only a smidgen of the force to pull off. He has been reduced to nothing more than a nursemaid to other sub par Jedi. I hear he even has a blind bantha for a pet (or is it Obi-Wan. So hard to tell, these days.)
That’s just wrong. Everyone knows the best way to partake in spice is to bake it in brownies.
I’m sorry to have to bring this to the forefront of all you readers out there. I know it hurts to discover the failings of a beloved roll model, but it’s for your own good.
I hope you can all rest well now.
I know I’ll need a valium after this.