Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Game Shows these days...

Living in the Jedi Temple has its advantages. Take for instance the other day when I just couldn’t take the stench of Obi-Wan’s old socks any more. I just had to get out of the place for a while. So I found myself wandering around for a few hours waiting for my head to clear.

And who did I happen to come across? Master Yoda, Master Windu and Master Ki-Adi-Mundi. They seemed to be taking part in an odd game show. (Odd because I wasn’t involved in it.) So I skulked back into the shadows and watched as they came out of commercial break.

Announcer: Hi, I’m Chuck Wookari. Welcome back to the Bald Dating Game. Our lovely contestant is settled in and is about to ask our fine bald bachelors some questions.

Girl behind wall: Thanks Chuck *giggle*. Bachelor number one: What fruit most describes your bald head?

Yoda: Hmmm…very difficult, that question is. Never thought my head as a fruit, until now.

Mace: Try an old green prune…with some white furry mold on it…unlike my gorgeous shiny head which gleams in flawless beauty.

Girl: Bachelor number three, same question.

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Well I suppose if I had to pick something I would have to say it most resembles a banana. A rather…pale banana.

Girl: ewww. Okay. Bachelor number two; how would you describe your perfect date?

Mace: I would first spend a few hours using my mini floor waxer to polish up my head until it acquired the perfect balance of luster and reflection. I would then spend another hour exfoliating and moisturizing. Finally I would give myself a very long look in the mirror checking for minor flaws and imperfections while basking in the overall glory that is me. I would then walk over to the corner of the bathroom, have myself a good cathartic cry then pick out a fresh robe to wear. Of course, I would have to go back to the mirror and make sure my eyes didn’t get all puffy and red. But if they did, all I would do is take out some Preparation H and smooth out those…

Girl: Thank you. Eh…bachelor number one; if you woke up one day and found out you had lost your baldness…what would you do?

Yoda: The question I understand not. Saying you are, what would I do if my hair I had again?

Girl: Bachelor number two, same question.

Mace: Weep. Weep for the senseless destruction of a perfect skull.

Yoda: Wait. Finished my answer, I did not…

Girl: Bachelor number three, same question.

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Well, that would be very difficult, my dear, since I never had any hair to begin with.

Girl: ooo! Bachelor number one; if your bald head could talk…what would it say?

Yoda: hmmph! Silly these questions are. No more charity work will I do if endure this silly game again I must.

Girl: That’s nice. Bachelor number three, same question.

Ki-Adi-Mundi: um…beware of speed bumps?

Mace: Man, why do we even have to bother with these questions. Everyone knows Mace Windu has the perfect bald head. Pick me. I mean come on. Next to these two I should be in a bald head hall of fame. The contestant on my right still has a little hair on him which I would think automatically disqualifies him and the other contestant’s head is so lumpy, it looks like oatmeal.

Yoda: Unfortunate, contestant number two’s comments are. Thinking of a number between one and a hundred, I am. Number of times force wedgies I am about to deliver to him. Hint I will give you. Small number it is not.
Chuck: Well that’s about all the time we have. So who have you decided to go with?

Girl: Gee Chuck, they all sound so smooth. *giggle* But I suppose it would have to be….bachelor number three.

Mace: What!?! I am so much prettier than him! So much shinier…

Chuck: Ki-Adi-Mundi, you lucky guy, come over and meet the girl who picked you.

After that it just degenerated into Mace sobbing uncontrollably while Yoda made good on his threat.

I just don’t get game shows these days….


Chancellor Palpatine said...

Whoa...nice legs.

Leia said...

Poor Mace. They'd make such a cute couple too.

jedisiri said...

*nod*leia is right.

Jedi Katt said...

Great Show

Master Yoda said...

"Poor Mace"?

Going to have to put up with all his crying now, I am. Have to pick up the pieces I will.

For some strange reason, cheering him up the Force-wedgies are not.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Those are nice legs. They go all the way up!

flu said...

Really, whichever bachelor won, she lost.

In other news, I'd shave my head bald for a crack at that lady. rrrroowwww!

Anonymous said...

I'd say that after the first date, Mace and the lady would both end up blind. Both of those heads are far too shiny...