I thought it was time to cut to the chase…and go to the top.
Palps: Why J.J….what an unexpected surprise.
J.J.: It couldn’t have been that unexpected. I’ve been in your waiting room all morning. That Gran secretary of yours just kept giving me the eyes.
Palps: Yes, well…it is so hard to get good help these days.
J.J.: Ya, sure. Oh, here you go.
Palps: What’s this? Oreos?
J.J.: Ya. It’s a gift box. I hear you just had a kid or somthin’.
Palps: Ahh, I see. No that would be my nanny, Tahara Jade.
J.J.: You mean you ain’t the father?
Palps: I should say not. It seems she got involved with…let’s just say she got knocked up. But I’m offering to help her out because she’s so good with little Maul.
J.J.: Ya ya. Let’s not get all Family Affair, Uncle French. I came here for a business proposition.
Palps: Indeed? And what could a lowly peasant jawa have to interest me?
J.J.: A mutual interest…snack foods. I’ll get right to the point. This feud we have going on Serenno is costing both of us money. I know Dooku works for you. I know McDooku’s is a subsidiary of Dark Side Foods® to which you are standing chairman of.
Palps: Yes. That’s nothing new. What do you want? I’m a very busy man. I’ve got a galaxy to dest-….eh…I’ve got to pick up some diapers for Tahara.
J.J.: Just this, my oh so sneaky senator…That we end this feud now. Today. I want your word that Dark Side Foods® will no longer offer any kind of sweet snack or dessert.
J.J.: And that you will close down some of your McDooku’s especially along the inner part of the outer most inner rim where most of our snack stores are located. I have no problem with you keeping the stores on the outer part of the inner most rim. In exchange, I will allow McDooku’s to start offering ‘Uncle Jinn and J.J.’s Super Fudgy Special Spiced brownines ™©’ to be sold in your restaurants where you can keep half of those profits.
Palps: This is absurd. Why should I agree to these terms?
J.J.: Your little love tryst with a certain Jar Jar Binks!
Palps: But…I was…we were just…everyone experiments with other species once in a while…we had too much to drink…hey! How did you get that picture anyway? We were on our honeymo- eh…I mean…business vacation.
J.J.: That, my friend, is not important. What is important is that I have more pictures like these. It would be a shame if they were leaked to the public…wouldn’t you say?
Palpatine then gave me a menacing stare that nearly made me piss my robe. But I held my ground. We both knew the stakes.
Palps: Yes…I suppose so. I underestimated you, young J.J. You are more resourceful than I gave you credit for. A mistake I will not make again.
J.J.: So do we have a deal?
Palps: ….very well. For the time being.
We then shook hands. Man, that guy’s got clammy hands. Eeeesh.
Palps: You know…you would make a good business partner, J.J. I could use someone of your…cunning nature. Perhaps we should join forces…we could-
J.J.: I don’t think so, Palps. Besides…your 401k plan sucks Mynock ass.
Palpatine looked down, ashamed.
Palps: Yes…unfortunately it does.
J.J.: Well, I got to go. Enjoy the oreos.
Palps: Thank you. Enjoy your life…or what’s left of it.
Palps: Oh, nothing. I’ll see you on the squash court.
As I left his office I could have sworn I heard him cackle. Maybe it was the secretary.