Monday, November 21, 2005

No Way Out

I just don’t know what to do now. I’m married to an Ithorian and it’s all nice and legal. Maybe if I hadn’t …consummated the marriage I could have found a loop hole out of it. But no, that would be too easy.

So now I have a wife sharing my living space with me and Qui. And she’s changing everything. My room is now decorated in mauve and purple with foo-foo fuzzy pillows and a whole bunch of beauty crap in my bathroom. If I wanted to move in with Mace, I would have asked him.

And every time I turn around, there she is waiting to smother me with love or food. Believe me, after a few bites, both are no longer very appetizing.

Funny, QG doesn’t seem to mind Rhonda that much. In fact they seem to get along quite well. So I asked him one day, “Hey Qui, Doesn’t it bug you that we have to share this place with her?”

“Aw, no man. In fact it’s kinda nice having someone else to talk to. I never knew Ithorians were so in touch with the living force and all. It’s like, so cool to have someone else who can really see and hear me, man. Maybe that’s why you guys are such a perfect couple.”

I cringed at the thought.

“And besides, she owns a first pressing of A Hard Days Knight. How cool is that?”

“Eh…yeah. That’s just spiffy. Maybe I’ll go into the office and see if there’s some work that needs to be done before we go on that reunion tour of yours next month.”

“Oh yeah, the three of us will have so much fun.”
My little flashlight eyes dimmed for a second. “The….three of us? Qui…don’t tell me that…”

“Oh yeah man, I forgot to tell you. Rhonda’s coming with us. With that stereo voice of hers she a natural for a backup singer. She’s gonna be in the show man. So you guys can take your groove on the road now.”

I felt the walls close in on me. I made a mad dash to my office. Maybe some good ol hard number crunching will get my mind off the situation.

But even there, during a halo-group conference power talk with the brownie distributors she managed to barge in at the worst possible time. “Say Pookie-Doo, do you want me to sew up the holes in your little undies?”

The conference members roared with laughter. I just stood there jaws clenched on my stogie until I thought it would snap in half.

I had to get out of there...out of the house…even if for just a little while. Amazingly it was Qui who came up with a solution.

“Hey J.J., Dooku just invited me to a small poker party he’s throwing. You want to come along?”

“Right now?”


"Is…..she coming?”

“Who Rhonda?”

“SSHHHHHHhhhhh. ……yeah.”

“Uh, no man. I think she said she had to do her nails….all seventeen of them.”

“Great! Let’s go!!!!”

I only had time to grab a fist full of credits, but that’s okay. For the night I was free.

You can watch how the game goes here. And although it’s at my arch-snack rival’s place, it’s bound to be better that what’s waiting for me back home.


Master Yoda said...

Work on your problems you must. Get you a spot on Dr Phil I can.

Straighten you out he will.

Captain Typho said...

"And every time I turn around, there she is waiting to smother me with love or food."

Yeah, that's disgusting. LOL!

Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

Y'all should get on Jerry!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You didn't sign a prenup did you?

flu said...

I guess I don't see why you have such a problem with this arrangement, JJ...

I mean, who else would be willing to sew up the holes in your undies?

Noel of Neptonian said...

Hvae fun at your Poker party.

And don't worry, I'm sure you will used to her being around.

Jedi Katt said...

"Women like changing habits of their partners" I forgot who said tht but it's quite true