Wednesday, March 15, 2006

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!


The halt of production to Uncle Jinn and J.J.’s Homemade, Super Fudgy, Special Spiced Brownies has caused turmoil throughout the known systems. Reports of millions of loyal and addicted customers who have been satiated by an abundant supply of the chocolaty yummy and some-what mind altering snack have now been forced to face the horrible reality of a brownie shortage. Ever since the alleged incarceration of Qui-Gon Jinn and Count Dooku for baking and consuming “spice” brownies without a permit, they have been forced to shut down their brownie production. As a result, their tasty treats have become rarer than a good script by George Lucas.


Now hundreds of thousands of beings all across the galaxy have been taking to the streets, clamoring for the last vestiges of brownies that could be found.






When asked by co-owner and dead Jedi Knight, Qui-Gon Jinn, when production would resume he responded, “Umm…like yeah. We want to get back to baking them again but like we seemed to have misplaced our permit for spice. And both J.J. and I have to be present to do that. And…well…He ain’t back from Naboo just yet. I hope he didn’t stop off on planet Melov-U-Longtime.”


Reports of price gouging are rampant. Recently, a brownie package went on E-Bay for the ridiculous price of 300,000 credits. It was sold within minutes.


Other reports of looting are almost as common. Just two days ago, a young hooligan broke into one of Uncle Jinn and J.J.’s storage warehouses in the vain hopes that some brownies were left behind. He was discovered in a corner licking some stale crumbs and muttering “Oh my beloved brownie…how I love to taste your chocolaty center…” He was quickly escorted out by security as seen here.







When it was discovered that the person taken into incarceration was a Fluke Starbucker, reporters were sent to his ship to interview the young jedi wannabes’ second in command, Mr. Sprok. Unfortunately the lack of spiced brownies in his system had made him go on a five day rampage against puppets and was unavailable to comment.










Reports of brownie hording can be found as far away as the planet of Tatooine where a family of moisture farmers and part time leaders of the local Hitler youth group, the Lars family, were reported to have horded two dozen batches of the brownies. They told reporters they were willing to sell them for more comments on their blog.



With systems in rising turmoil, we asked the Jedi temple what their plans were to bring about peace in the galaxy once more. Jedi Master Yoda was unavailable to comment directly with us but did offer up a finger salute, signifying the Jedi’s are still ‘number one’.


Master Windu was also unavailable to comment. Sources say he was busy polishing his head as confirmed by this photograph. Unfortunately, the photographer is now permanently blinded when his camera flash bounced off the jedi’s cranium.






There was one Jedi who was available for comment. Anakin Skywalker, seen here giving an interview to whoever would listen to him said that the jedi’s would look into this brownie matter as soon as possible. “Yo, check it. As soon as my speeder is all pinped out and spit, I’m on it. What? Of course I’m gonna be leading this mission. I’m the Chosen One, ain’t I?” He then started signing off for our cameras while singing ‘It’s hard out here for a pimp’.










With no end in sight to the brownie shortage, people are advised to stay at home, lock their doors and eat a Snickers bar injected with liquid crack until this disaster has been cleared up and production of the brownies can resume.

8 comments:

Vegeta said...

I had no idea your brownies were so popular with zombies

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Dammm Boyee!! You punked Lars in a brownie post. All I can say is thank my lucky stars I was not drinking coffee again.

Jango Fett said...

No! I like those brownies!




But I'm not roiting with those zombies

Vampirella said...

I am glad my zombie eats biffi treats



Dang I hate snickers to


hmmm oh well I guess I will have to stick with my after eights

Wedge Antillies said...

Now I am wondering if we loaded any of those brownies aboard before we shipped out (uh oh!)

Jabafatboy said...

Weeeelll ! Ole Jaba has hit it big again.

I happen to know where a whole freighter of those brownies are hidden, and for the right price....
say , ohhh 500 credits per brownie.

we can make a deal.

( jaba yer fishin boat aint a freighter )

BE QUIET WIFIEPOO, WE GONNA MAKE SOME SERIOUS CASH HERE

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I heard that your fishin- er, freighter captain usually dumps his cargo at the frist sign of trouble.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I'm with AOC, the picture of the Lars made me laugh till I had tears in my eyes. Thank goodness all my office-mates were out at the time, they already think I'm pretty strange.

As for Fluke and his comment when found with the brownie wearhouse, well who knew he liked brownies that much :)