Monday, March 20, 2006

Honey...I'm Home!

Ahh…it’s good to be home. Look at this place…Who would want to live here? I mean, come on…a two story penthouse located at the center of the Coruscant capital and merchandizing hub, with a huge game room, home theater, patio with hot tub…don’t take my word for it. You can see the whole floor plan here.

What I guess I’m trying to say is, is that I think I’ve been traveling too much. What with hosting the Survivor show, participating in the Big Brother:Naboo show. I think it’s time to have a little down time.

Ahh…what a view. Qui’s lava lamps bubble and glow like my bowels after eating Mustafarian Moost-Mex, the faint odor of incense could be detected wafting throughout the room. All was at peace.

Next to the fireplace I spied a robed figure sitting close by with his feet up sipping a cup of what looked to be tea. Even in his smoking jacket, Count Dooku still demanded to keep his top hat on his head. Hmm…I forgot he was still a guest at our house.

“Well Dooku, I’m finally back. I bet you weren’t expecting me to….HOLY CRAP!!!!!

“Well good evening, dear boy. Would you like a spot of tea?”

“I…uh…no….that is…What happened to you?”

Dooku looked down at his green, three pronged hands and sighed before answering. “Oh yes…this. It seems I’ve put myself in a bit of a pickle…”

As if on Queue, we lifted our ears in silence neither one of us daring to move.

“Did you hear it?” Dooku whispered.

“Yeah, I think I did. Jedi temple’s that way, right?”

“I believe so. Thirty miles away…that’s a new record.” He gave a chuckle and took a sip of his tea before continuing. “Now as for me, it seems I lost a fight with this Starbucker chap in a magic-off and now I am reduced to being a Sleestak. Rather disturbing, actually, since I don’t have anything that goes with moss green skin. I’ve sent for a doctor. She should be around in the morning to take a look at me.”

Just then, my I-SUC droid wheeled himself inside with my luggage. Dooku took one look at the droid and said, “Oh my. I see you’ve acquired an Internal Salvaging and Undermining Citrus droid. How quaint.”

“Uh…yeah. I-SUC, take those bags into my room.”

“Yes sir.” He responded in his low, monotone voice. “Oh, and sir…I’ve been meaning to ask you…What exactly is a side-kick?”

Dooku and I coughed uncomfortably before I even ventured to answer. “Why do you ask, SUC-man?”

“Oh, just something Jon said back at the Big Brother house. He told me I was your side kick…then started to laugh hysterically. I don’t understand.”

“eh…well…It must be that gladiator humor. I don’t quite understand it either. Is Qui around?” I asked Dooku.

“I believe he’s in the kitchen trying to make a sandwich.”

I hopped down the hallway towards the kitchen. I couldn’t wait to see by buddy Qui-Gon. Of all the people in the galaxy, he is the only one I can truly call my best friend. It’s been ages since I’ve seen him. First there was that month long sabbatical in the ether, then I get whisked away for that reality game show for another two months. I wonder how he’s doing? I wonder what he’s been up to for the past few months. I wonder…

I enter the kitchen and see him standing there pondering over jar of mayonnaise. I look around the kitchen and notice that all the cupboard doors are flung open as well at the oven door and refrigerator.

“QUI!!! I’m back! How are you, you ol force ghost, you? Eh….you lose something?”

He looked up kinda distracted like and gave me a glazed stare. “Uh…no man. Why do you ask?”

“Oh… no reason, I guess.” Glancing at the cupboards once more, I gave his poncho a big hug. “So what’s been going on since I’ve been gone?”

Qui continued to ponder the jar of Mayonnaise like it was going to suddenly strike at him. He began to bite his nails and nervously mutter something. This wasn’t good.

“Eh…Qui…what’s up. You okay man?”

He suddenly reached for the jar and opened the lid with one furious motion before upending it and shaking the entire glob of mayonnaise out. With a deep breath, he set the jar down and allowed himself to relax.

I, on the other hand, began to feel rather uneasy. “Um…like a lot of mayonnaise on your sandwich, do ya?”

He turned to me with a flat stare. “Oh no, man. Can’t stand the stuff. I’m a mustard man.”

I glanced over to the one of the open cupboards where I saw a 24 pack of mayonnaise on the shelf and sighed.

“Dude, maybe you should come into the living room and sit down for a while…have a brownie or two.”

“I can’t. We’re all out.”

“So whip up a fresh batch.”

“um…we can’t. We can’t make anymore.”

“What do you mean? That’s our business.”

“Um…not anymore, man. We’re shut down. Didn’t you read the paper two posts ago?”

He then handed me the paper. This was more serious than I thought!


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Heee heee he hee he he, it's so funny 'cuz, heh heh heh, I-SUC's, mmmmf ha ha! Your sidekick!

Ha ha hah ha ha ha!

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing

Wedge Antillies said...

Jon, get hold of yourself, man!

Well JJ, this is what happens when you go away for an extended period. I once went on leave and whe4n I got back they had changed the 273-14W/3 forms! Man, things were so different after that.

Because of the brownie issue, there are people here hoarding carrob bars and tins of cinnimon. It's bad.

Jabafatboy said...

That faint odor you smelled was not Incense , it was I-Suc Blowin a Tail spark.

The next droid in the line up will it be I-sucII

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Sound like someone in the apartment went to the Mayo clinic. I think it was Dooku.

Bob the Bantha said...

MUAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!! phlllllbbbbbtttt!!!

Master Yoda said...

Done it now, you have! Know do you not that illegal to say the "p" word within a 40-mile radius of downtown Coruscant, it is?

Jango Fett said...

Qui, easy on the Mayo.

JJ its good to be back home on Tatooine, eh?

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Wow, I would have thought Fluke's spell would have worn off by now...

But think of all the money Dooku is saving on not having to buy hair care products now.