Thursday, July 14, 2005

Guest Poster: Where's Watto?

Hey! What-a-ya-know! Who would have given oddz that I wuz gonna do a blog, eh? Not me! Heh heh... But eez like this, ya see? J.J. is an old buisnez partner, eh? We go back long wayz, eh? We use ta market econo-power converters, ya know? Try to undercut Toshi © for our share of the market, ya? Heh...heh...Those stupid people at Toshi... They don't gotta no business sense. They know nothin'!
So I gotta call from my ol buddy J.J. , needs someone to fill in for him, eh? I said how much.
What!?! You think I'da do this for free? Get outta here... come to a mutual agreement and I am.
It's no wonder ol J.J. went missing just recently, eh? Look at the crowd ee hangs out with nowdayz. Much trouble they are, eh? And a taco shy of a combo plate too. I meeen, look at 'iz roommate...'eez the one who swindled me in the first place! Made me take that stupid bet. He tricked me! Now I 'ear eez a ghost, right? Ehhh....serves em right. Ee was always trying to give me spiced brownies, eh? Spice brownies?!?! What good are spice brownies to a Toydarian? We don't get affected by such things...that's why we only drink beer. Heh...heh...lotz of beer.
Then therez Ani, eh? ...Little cute Ani. Ee waz my livelihood, eh? Now look at 'em. Runnin' around...busting things like peoples caps, eh? Whatz a matter with you?!?! Ya can't go around bustin' up the merchandise...thatsa no good for business.

Then therez also Obi Kanobi, eh? Ee waz just a junior Jedi when I last saw em. Now look at 'em!!! Eez really let himself go, hazen't ee? Whatz with all the drool and funny noises and Cheeto fingerz? What are you trying to do? Scare off the customers? But, eh...if you need a nice hand crafted drool cup...24 karats, eh...I think we can fix you up good, whatta you say, eh?

Therez so many others too, ya know? Like, eh...what iz a Mace and why iz ee always crying? And this Fluke, eh? What iz a Fluke anyway? You should never bet on flukes, eh? Only bet on sure things. Thatz how you make the money!
And finally...this little green toad that keeps hoppin around saying thingz all backwards and such. Ee no make no sense, ya know? Everyone sayz ee is a wise and valuable Jedi Master, eh? If ee so valuable, why does ee 'ave a stick for a cane? Why dosen't ee invest in something nice like this hear titanium and pearl beauty I got. Only two hundred creditz, eh? A great bargin. I'll even trim a few inches off for you, if you like.

One thing though...J.J., ee hang around alota pretty women, eh? And in all the colors of the rainbow too. They're like a bunch of Skittles only taller, eh?

Ahh looks like J.J. iz doing well for 'em self these dayz. Got 'em self a good business, eh? Well I'ma not doing to bad myself. These wings of mine havea been busy too, ya know? I got me a little casino just outta town. Nice place, eh? Itza called the Dune Sea Oasis Casino and Resort, eh? Owning a spare space parts shop wuz fine and all but this...?
This 'earz makin' me credits fist over wing, eh? I even put in a second pool in the back just for Wookies, eh? People come from systems around just to see the place.
Sometime when all of you aren't too busy saving the universe or playin' patty-cake, you should come down and take a looksy, eh? Maybe a nice vacation, eh? Play a little at the tables too, eh? Heh...heh...heh, I thought so.
Just see me, eh? I'll give you a good deal.
What?!? You thought I waz gonna give away the rooms for free just coz you know me? Get outta here!

Hookay...wherez my money for this piecez a crap...?


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I've always wondered how you could fly with those short, stubby wings. I now guess that you drink beer to bloat your bodies to make them lighter. Right?

Watto said...

Abzolutly! The bubble...they helpz too. lite beer, eh?

flu said...

Main Entry: 3fluke
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
1 : an accidentally successful stroke at billiards or pool
2 : a stroke of luck [the discovery was a fluke]

Leia said...

It's Watto! I've always been curious - why's your nose like that?

JawaJuice said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anakin Skywalker said...

I'm practicin restraint, yo. I'm workin through my anger. I won't bust a cap... I won't throw down... I won't grab your stubby little wings and...

there is no emotion, there is peace, yo.

Just his wings. Lemmie just take his wings!

Watto said...


Whyz YOUR nose like that?

eh, I don't know, it just eez. I guess it helps to see if I have the stinky breath, eh? I can just poke it in my mouth and take a whiff. And I always have plenty of breath mints too...if you know what I meeen...heh-heh-heh...