Friday, July 08, 2005

Sucks being Short

The sun is out and the very air is abuzz with speeders. It's a fine day on Coruscant. Time to get by butt out of the apartment and take a good look at the city I now call my home.

Man, there's a lot to do around here. Just getting to the cross town shuttle I passed five bars, three clubs and a water park for Wookies. I think I'll pass on that one.

My first stop of the day, one of the largest thrill ride parks around: Six Flags over Coruscant. Brimming with anticipation, I plunked down my 85 credits at the gate and waddled in. This place had everything: anti-gravity bobsleds, quasar-speed rollercoasters, five mile high death-drop shoots, and a myriad of other twisty-thingies to make even the most stout hearted Jedi Master blow chunks.

Eager to become one of the screaming masses, I strolled up to my first ride.
...Only to be stopped by a sign.

No problem, I'll just find another one. But the next ride posted the same discriminating sentry. ...and the next...and the next.
In fact everywhere I went that same sign was in prominent display. And I mean everywhere! If I wanted to pay 85 credits just to watch other people scream and shout while eating two week old crusty corndogs, I'd have hung out at Obi-Wan's place.

Then came the salt in my wound.

From somewhere behind me, I heard the shrill screams of a little girl in the throws of delight. I only had a moment to register the running child before I was lifted up in the air and tossed about like a rabid Gungan.

"Daddy! Daddy!" she screamed in my ear. "This one! This one! I want this one!"

Her dad stopped a passing park employee. "How much for the Cabbage Patch doll?"

The pimply-faced employee gave me a look of disbelief.

Yes! Finally someone with some common sense, someone who will rescue my dignity, someone who will...

"Ten credits."

"NO! WAIT! I am NOT a DOLL!" I screamed.

"Hmmm...It talks. 20 credits."

Money was exchanged and the next thing I knew I was being dragged out of the park by some sticky fingered girl with a lollypop shoved down my mouth.

I bet this sort of thing never happens to Yoda...


flu said...


Cheer up little buddy.

Things aren't ALL bad...

After all...I'm sure she will hug you and stroke you and love you and kiss you and dress you up and call you... uh...wait scratch all that. Don't think about that - That'll be like getting nibbled to death by a duck.

But hey, You got a lollipop! Isn't that exciting? What flavor is it?

Chancellor Palpatine said...

I know a place near the galactic senate galleria where you can get some platform shoes? They even have them in clear lexan for those late night trysts with Yoda's sister.

Leia said...

I once saw Yoda at a laser tag place. Shame, you paid that much, only to be sold and dragged out. I wish I had a lollipop.

Master Yoda said...

Wow. I thought only to me, this happened. Spooky.

jedisiri said...

yeah i have seen yoda at a laser tag place too(and with someone you don't want to know)...

Jar Jar Binks said...

Maybe Qui-Gon will breaken yousa out. Hesa issen a force-ghost, hesa can walken through walls and stuff. And go "Boo!"