Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Chapter 10: Revenge of the Cute-Sith

Deep inside the bowels of an evil yet surprisingly cute sith lord’s headquarters…

Padmé: Ani!!! You’ve come to rescue us!

Obi-Wan: We don’t need rescuing. We were doing just fine on our own, weren’t we Threepio?

Threepio: Well, actually, Master Kenobi, the odds of us getting out of here alive were half past the monkeys ass.

Anakin: Shuh, not with me around now. I’m abouts ta put the smack down on these furry fools. Ain’t no one gonna stop the Chosen One from a dramatic rescue and spit. Sides…it won’t be the first time I had to save your sorry butt, Master.

Padmé: Ani, aren’t you suppose to still be in that game thingy on Tattooine?

Anakin: Ya, but I told them I had to go take a dump. They won’t get suspicious for a couple of days.

Obi-Wan: Never mind that. Did you bring the rescue supplies I always taught you to?

Of course, master. A big bag of Cheetos and a six pack of Mos Eisley. Just like every time I rescue you. Oh and…I got a little present for you too, boo.

Padmé: You did? What is it?

Anakin: Open it up and see.

Padmé: Handcuffs! Aww, you shouldn’t have.

Anakin: Shuh! Ain’t nothing too good for my girl.

Obi-Wan: Your….? What did you say?

Anakin: Oops. Can’t talk now, master. I gotsta do some major arm chopping. Why don’t you come and join me.

Obi-Wan: Anger…aggression, mass slaughter…these things lead to the dark side, my young padawan.

Anakin: Man, why are you always yappin’ away with that shizzy? They’re just rodents or whatevs. It don’t mean spit. Com’on…let me see your mad jedi skillz and throw down some.

Obi-Wan: Well…I suppose we do have to get away to warn the Jedi council. Very well. Let me just finish this beer.

Suddenly the two Jedi’s race towards the streaming mass of stormlemurs, lightsabers swinging and voices screaming. A huge battle ensues with the two men cutting down lemurs in a mad frenzy, until…

Anakin: See master. Now ain’t cutting the arms and heads off things just the living Shiznig?!

Obi-Wan: Well, I must say, that was kinda satisfying. But I got blood all over my robe.

Anakin: Just tell everyone it’s old cheeto stains.

Meanwhile, the watchful eyes of Darth Lemur and Darth Wuv are…well, watching them.

Darth Wuv: Master, they are too strong. What are we going to do?

Darth Lemur: Quickly. Start the engines. They still haven’t realized that this is not just a simple hidden base but a huge technological terror of a space station. Take us out of orbit, Darth Wuv. It is time we showed the galaxy our fully operational weapon!

Back at Yado’s home…

J.J.: Thank goodness I don’t have to wear that bunny suit anymore. I was beginning to sweat like a…well like a jawa.

Yado: You no longer need the suit, this is true. You have learned much in our short time together. Now you are ready for your weapon.

J.J.: I get a weapon? Really? A lightsaber?

Yado smacks J.J.’s head once again with his cudgel.

Yado: Of course not. You are training to be a Nuteye Knight. The weapon of choice for us is this...

J.J.: W-what is it?

Yado: A baton. Not as clumsy as your blaster. It is a more elegant weapon for a more elegant time. And you can lead parades with it.

J.J.: But master Yado, how can I defeat Darth Wuv and Darth Lemur with…this?

Suddenly the ground shook and I was knocked down by the force. Ol Yado looked worried. I asked if it was an earthquake.

Yado: No, worse. Come with me, quick!

We raced over to where the jungle wasn’t so dense and there we saw it. Rising out of the hills like a giant steel monkey….

What…is that??

Yado: The Cute-Sith Lord’s most powerful and evil space station…Teh Death Monkey!!!

...To be continued


Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Oh wow,
Like, you might want to store your nuts in your cheeks, man.
Nuteye Master,

flu said...

a baton?

with streamers?

...and just what can a Jawa, that's just beginning to learn the ways of The FUR and barely on his way to being a Nutsac Knight - what could he possibly do with as advanced a weapon as a baton???

whack a whiffleball? p'shaw

Leia said...

A baton? I say the bunny costume is way more whoop-ass.

flu said...

oooooooh, yeah!... I forgot about the bunny costume!

The combination of the bunny costume AND the fancy sparkly baton with the streamers... will...


... get him picked on and laughed at even when he returns home in a body bag.


Leia said...

Hehe... I can imagine him now... all dead and pale... but FLUFFY!

JawaJuice said...

Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys...

jedisiri said...

one more 'vote of confidence' here.*nod*

flu said...

JJ, I know your powers and baton twirling will impress and dazzle me with the rage of a cornered Ronto, but I'm just voicing that I'm kinda worried for my pal! You're my little buddy!!...and I ain't there to fight for ya!

and gosh-darny!...I mean, your situation is looking awful grim!

I'd just hate to be in your shoes... mainly because your feet are so much smaller than mine, but nevermind that right now... what in the everloving world of the Spores are you gonna do?