Padmé: Ani!!! You’ve come to rescue us!
Obi-Wan: We don’t need rescuing. We were doing just fine on our own, weren’t we Threepio?
Threepio: Well, actually, Master Kenobi, the odds of us getting out of here alive were half past the monkeys ass.
Anakin: Shuh, not with me around now. I’m abouts ta put the smack down on these furry fools. Ain’t no one gonna stop the Chosen One from a dramatic rescue and spit. Sides…it won’t be the first time I had to save your sorry butt, Master.
Padmé: Ani, aren’t you suppose to still be in that game thingy on Tattooine?
Anakin: Ya, but I told them I had to go take a dump. They won’t get suspicious for a couple of days.
Obi-Wan: Never mind that. Did you bring the rescue supplies I always taught you to?
Anakin: Of course, master. A big bag of Cheetos and a six pack of Mos Eisley. Just like every time I rescue you. Oh and…I got a little present for you too, boo.
Padmé: You did? What is it?
Padmé: Handcuffs! Aww, you shouldn’t have.
Anakin: Shuh! Ain’t nothing too good for my girl.
Obi-Wan: Your….? What did you say?
Anakin: Oops. Can’t talk now, master. I gotsta do some major arm chopping. Why don’t you come and join me.
Obi-Wan: Anger…aggression, mass slaughter…these things lead to the dark side, my young padawan.
Anakin: Man, why are you always yappin’ away with that shizzy? They’re just rodents or whatevs. It don’t mean spit. Com’on…let me see your mad jedi skillz and throw down some.
Obi-Wan: Well…I suppose we do have to get away to warn the Jedi council. Very well. Let me just finish this beer.
Anakin: See master. Now ain’t cutting the arms and heads off things just the living Shiznig?!
Obi-Wan: Well, I must say, that was kinda satisfying. But I got blood all over my robe.
Anakin: Just tell everyone it’s old cheeto stains.
Meanwhile, the watchful eyes of Darth Lemur and Darth Wuv are…well, watching them.
Darth Wuv: Master, they are too strong. What are we going to do?
Darth Lemur: Quickly. Start the engines. They still haven’t realized that this is not just a simple hidden base but a huge technological terror of a space station. Take us out of orbit, Darth Wuv. It is time we showed the galaxy our fully operational weapon!
Back at Yado’s home…
J.J.: Thank goodness I don’t have to wear that bunny suit anymore. I was beginning to sweat like a…well like a jawa.
Yado: You no longer need the suit, this is true. You have learned much in our short time together. Now you are ready for your weapon.
J.J.: I get a weapon? Really? A lightsaber?
Yado smacks J.J.’s head once again with his cudgel.
J.J.: W-what is it?
Yado: A baton. Not as clumsy as your blaster. It is a more elegant weapon for a more elegant time. And you can lead parades with it.
J.J.: But master Yado, how can I defeat Darth Wuv and Darth Lemur with…this?
Suddenly the ground shook and I was knocked down by the force. Ol Yado looked worried. I asked if it was an earthquake.
Yado: No, worse. Come with me, quick!
We raced over to where the jungle wasn’t so dense and there we saw it. Rising out of the hills like a giant steel monkey….
J.J: What…is that??
Yado: The Cute-Sith Lord’s most powerful and evil space station…Teh Death Monkey!!!
...To be continued