Monday, August 22, 2005

Chapter 9: Attack of the Lemurs

“Yes, that’s it… feel The Fur flowing over you.”

“Pthah! Hey stop that! You’re just brushing your tail in my face. How is that helping?”

To know The Fur you must learn to love The Fur. Now run around in this bunny suit.”

Boy do I feel ridiculous. If I didn’t have two Cute-Sith Lords after my life I would have blown this place a long time ago. Not to mention my poor friends are somewhere in this damn jungle. I hope they’re all right.

“Look good you do. Now run around the jungle until I tell you to stop. I’ll be in that tree over there gathering nuts for the winter.”

“Now wait a second. This is ridiculous! I thought you were going to teach me the ways of the Fur, not run around like an Easter bunny on crack. We need to go help my friends now!”

Yado the Nuteye Squirrel stopped in his tracks and took a good long look at me. He looked disappointed. “Too impatient you are. Too much rushing I sense in you.”

“Was I any different when you trained me?”

“Wha….Qui-Gon? Is that you?”

Ya, ho…d on a se…nd. I th…k we hav… .. bad recap…” Kick Kick slam!!! “There, that’s better. Wow you can’t believe the crappy reception you can get in the ether sometimes.”

"You?! You were a Nuteye warrior too?”

“Oh ya, man. Yado trained me a long time ago. That was during my experimental furry days. We all go through that phase once in a while. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with wearing mink underwear, is there? Everyone was doing it. But uh…don’t tell anyone, okay? So you’re gonna be trained in the ways of the Fur too? That’s like, so cool dude. We’ll have something new to talk about when we mix the batter.”

“No!” That damn squirrel broke in. “Too Old. Yes, Too old to begin the training.”

“Aw come on, Yado dude. He’s only 38. But like, jawa’s live to be about 150 so he’s really like…um…wait a second. …thirteen…carry the nine… um….dude, does anyone have a calculator?”

“Please, Master Yado,” I pleaded. “I’ll finish what I start. I need to learn the ways of the Fur so that I can confront both Darth Wuv and Dart Lemur and stop their mad plan by killing them before they kill me.”

“Killing leads to the dark side…but what the hell. It’s not like you’re gonna survive against those two anyway. Very well. We’ll start the training again. Start running, bunny boy."

Elsewhere…(where else?)

Padmé: eh…Obi-Wan. What are we looking at?

Obi-Wan: I’m not sure. It looks like a zit…or a very infected blackhead.

Padmé looks over at Obi-Wan who in turn is looking into a tiny hand held mirror of his own reflection.

Threepio: Oh my. It’s going to blow!

Padmé: Master Kenobi. Now is not the time. We need to go down to that secret platform and find out what’s going on.

Obi-Wan: What?! Down there? Are you kidding? There are hundreds of stormlemurs down there!

Padmé: And you are a mighty Jedi knight. Or so I thought. I’m beginning to think we should have gotten Master Windu after all.

Obi-Wan: No need to get nasty, senator. Oh very well. Let’s go.

Our band of intrepid heroes then skulk down the hillside towards the obviously evil and somewhat secret hideout and within hours they are inside undetected.

Obi-Wan: No. It can not be. I thought he was dead.

Padmé: Who?

Obi-Wan points towards two darkly clad and somewhat furry characters. …Those of Darth Wuv and Darth Lemur.

Darth Lemur: Is the secret weapon ready to launch?

Darth Wuv: You betcha, boss.

Darth Lemur gives his apprentice a menacing look.

Darth Lemur: You’ve been taking side-kick lessens again, haven’t you.

Darth Wuv: Sure thing, boss.

Darth Lemur clenches his paw in the air in front of him and begins to squeeze. As a result, Darth Wuv begins to gasp and choke.

Darth Lemur: I grow tired of your insipidly coy remarks. I find your lack of originality…disturbing.

Darth Wuv: Ack! Gasp! Sorry, Master. Please…stop. My….stuffing…is coming out…

Darth Lemur: Very well. I need you to kill the jawa anyway. Where could he be?

Darth Wuv: Maybe that Jedi, that droid, and that senator girl hiding behind that potted plant might know.

Darth Lemur: What?!?! Intruders! Stormlemurs…attack! You must attack! Otherwise the title of this episode will have been in vain!

Padmé: I think this is our cue to get the hell out of here, eh…Obi-Wan? Threepio, where did Master Kenobi go to?

Threepio points to a robed figure running away like a spastic leopard. Padmé and Threepio quickly follow.

Through the halls of the evil lemur headquarters they run, screaming like girls. Until they make a wrong turn and find themselves face to face with hundreds of armed stormlemurs.

Padmé: That’s it. Were done for. There’s too many of them. There’s no way we can stop them all.

Anakin: Did someone say it’s paw chopping time?

...To be Continued.


Captain Typho said...

You know, that armor looks really great on those lemurs. They have well-developed fashion sense.

flu said...

Oh, boy! I can't wait to see the crummy weapon old bunny boy gets stuck with!

Anakin Skywalker said...

I loves me some Cute-Sith choppin.

Leia said...

Do they all run around in fuzzy suits, or is it just you?

Shannon said...

YES!!! Thank the Force Ani has shown up. I don't think I could take another minute with Obs.

Dinorider d'Andoandor said...

those lemurs are really nasty

jedisiri said...

wow ani the chosen one!yeah!*stupid*

flu said...

JJ, don't forget: Hero's blasters are most effective when fired at top speed in random directions... and it's ok to close your eyes.

Your pal,

JawaJuice said...

"Oh, boy! I can't wait to see the crummy weapon old bunny boy gets stuck with!"

How is it you know what's going to be introduced in the next chapter before it's out?
You using the Spores again?
*look down. Feet start to do an Irish Jig*