Monday, August 15, 2005

Chapter 5: Books, Bladders and Old Broads

It took us almost two hours to reach the Jedi Temple Archive Library. It was only seven blocks away but Obi-Wan insisted he knew a short cut. Yah, that helped a heap!!

The first thing I had to do when we got there was find a bathroom. Hay, sit two hours in the trunk of a speeder and see if your bladder isn’t the size of a bowling ball.

Afterwards, I stepped along the glowing blue shelves in search of Padmé and Master Kenobi. I found them in the reference section.

“So, have you found something interesting?” I asked all hopeful like.

“You bet I did. Take a look!”

“I haven’t seen this episode in ages. HA!HA!HA! ...He’s funny cos he’s stupid.”

“I can see the common interest.”

Just then this matronly old biddy came sneaking up to us and shushed us something fierce. “If you are going to behave in that manner, I’m going to ask you all to leave.”

“Excuse me, miss…?” Obi-Wan started in.

“My name is An T’may. I’m the head night librarian here.”

“Well I am Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’ve probably heard of me.”

“No. Not really.”

“Well then, you must have heard of my stunning achievements. I helped with the battle on Geonosis and on Naboo as well as a plethora of other amazing accomplishments. I am a rather important Jedi Master you know.”

The old bird put a wizened finger to her lips. “Geonosis. Wasn’t that the battle Master Skywalker led to victory?”

Obi-Wan’s face turned red. “I should say not. And he’s just my padawan…or something like that.”

“Oh dear, really? Then how come he’s always saving your life?”

“He is not…! See here, never mind that. We’re looking for some history on the cult of Mad’da Ghast Garr. Do you think you could help us there?”

“My oh my, for a Jedi, you always seem to need a lot of help from people. But first I must ask you to take your dog outside. There are not pets allowed in the library.”

I looked around for this dog she was talking about when suddenly I felt the uncomfortable stares of my companions on me. “Hey, death on legs! I am not a dog! I’m a jawa! And I’m with them! Don’t make me lift my leg on you!”

She looked shocked. “Oh, you poor, nice young Jedi. Having to associate with such vermin and trollops.”

"Ah, Excuse me! That’s like, Senator trollop to you, you old…”

“That’s enough, Padmé. We’re here to help J.J., remember.”

“Man, this is so not fun anymore. When are we going to like, find a mall to investigate in?”

An T’may took a deep breath and composed herself. “I can see the only way I’m going to get you out of my library is to help you. Very well. The Ghast Garr cult first originated on the planet Lemurria. Not much is known of that cult but its leader, Mad’da, is said to associate itself with strange dark forces. No one knows what the intentions of this cult are but perhaps you may wish to start there.”

“Yes, I think we shall. You’ve been quite helpful, An T’may. I am indebted to you.”

“Really? Well then, perhaps you can help me out, young Jedi.”

“Well, if I can, sure.”

She started to move in real close to Obi-Wan; the smell of Polident strong on her breath. “Perhaps you can help me with some aggressive negotiations of my own. Hmmm?”

“Well…uh…you see, I think we’re in a hurry…

“In a hurry….to pass up…..THIS?”

EEp! Gotta go!”

And not a moment too soon. This mission is just getting more dangerous by the minute!

...To be continued.


owenlars said...

whoa, dude. Your site's almost as sick as mine.

Anakin Skywalker said...

I think I've gone blind, yo.

flu said...


shoo-wee. I was almost stricken commentless.

JJ, I'm concerned about you.

Well, mostly concerned about how you came into possession of that source pic.

Aayla Secura said...

...How dare she!!!

jedisiri said...

wow my eyes hurt!

Shannon said...

Acckkk! The poor woman. Next Mission: Take An T'may on a shopping trip to Victoria's Secret.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I think I'm gonna hurl!

flu said...

Man, I can't wait until the next post, so I don't hafta scroll past that to see if there's any new comments.

Leia said...

*violent retching sound*

JawaJuice said...

Ya...kinda burns the eyes, don't it.

And Fluke.....Birthday card.

flu said...


happy freakin birthday.

Han Solo said...

Hey, baby. How YOU doin'?


Don't you guys judge me, I just spent a long haul on the Falcon, alone with Chewie.