Anyway, I was just about to doze off when I heard a strange scratching noise by the closet. That’s funny; I thought to myself, I thought I already put out the cat. Then I realized I didn’t have a cat. At least…not any more. (Thanks Jar Jar!)
Mice? Hardly likely. We’re on the 387th floor of a building that’s made of steel. What are the little buggers going to eat?
Robomice? No. Too cliché.
Jehovah’s Witnesses? Now that was a strong possibility.
I emerged from my bed and carefully grabbed the tire iron I keep under the mattress. Some of those J.W.’s can be down right persistent.
Quietly, I stepped over to my closet.
The scratching stopped.And in its place….HE busted out!!!
It was an Ewok. It was a Sith Lord. It was two evils in one. And then I remembered…this was once the cute little pet that Obi-Wan took in about a month ago (*see issues #25 and #26 of the Incredible Kanobinator –July 3rd/July 6th) who then mysteriously became evil and started to kill people at a dance hall then frame my pal Fluke (** as seen in issue #32 of Amazing Starbucker Tales -July 12th )
“D-Dude? Is that you?”
“I no longer go by that name. I am now….Darth Wuv!!!!
He then lunged at me with his wicked lightsaber slicing my bed in half. Well, it was a bit too big for me anyway. I tried to reason with him.
“Why are you in my closet? What do you want? It’s Qui-Gon right? You’re looking for him right…?”
“No. It is you….I must kill.”
“Me?!? Look if it’s because I didn’t give you a full refund…well, I do that with everyone. Restocking fees and all…”
“You…are the one…who must die. So says the prophecy of Mad’da Ghast-Garr!!
He then swung that damned lightsaber at me again. I raised the tire iron, and found it no match for the Sith’s weapon. He sheered it in half like butter.
“Hey! That cost 18 credits!!
He then lifted his hand and all the lava lamps in the room started to fly through the air, hitting me from all sides. Me and my stumpy tire iron were no match for the dizzying array of globular colored cones. Before I knew it, I had stepped away from the menacingly evil (but oddly kinda cute) Ewok Sith Lord, only to find myself backed up against the window.
“Now….you will die…”
With a mighty Force push, Darth Wuv tossed me right through the window. The last thing I remember hearing as I plummeted 387 stories down with shards of glass all around me was the maniacal snickering of that damned evil ewok.
Now I’ll never get him to pay for the damages to my apartment.
...To be continued.