Friday, August 26, 2005

Chapter 11: An Unrealistic Hope

I swear I'm going to need a drink when this is all over with.

Rising before me was the biggest, if not mangiest, space station I had ever seen: Teh Death Monkey! And I could tell, somewhere inside were my well as the Cute-Sith Lords who want to kill me.

"I've got to get to that space station!" I told my Nuteye Master, Yado. "I've got to save my friends."

"No. You must finish the training. You signed a contract, remember? If you confront Darth Lemur before you are ready then all will be lost and you forfeit your deposit."

"You don't understand, Master Yado. I have to save them. Don't worry. I'll come back and finish the training."

"Hmmph. They always say that. But they never do. Always they die. …Always.” He started scrubbing at his cheeks in a very agitated manner. “Very well, go. But take the baton. You have learned much in our short time. It may yet come in handy."

"Thank you, Master Yado. For everything. Ummm....of course I still need a ship to follow them I was wondering...I saw you had a Yt2400 in the garage and...well..."

"Yes, yes, fine. You can use my space ship. I only use it once a week to go to store anyway. But fill it up when you're done."


"What now?"

"Umm....I don't know how to fly a space ship."

Yado tossed his paws up in the air in disgust. "You don't need to fly it. I have a chauffer. Chewie...!"

Grateful to finally get underway, R2 and myself boarded the ship. I called back to my little mentor. "I'll be back, I promise. Eh...unless I'm dead."

"Your feelings do you well. Odds are good. Placed bets, I have. Now go on, get out of here," he squeaked back. "I got some wood carving to catch up on back at the tree."

"Ah, branching out, are we?"

I closed the hatch before I was pelted with acorns.

The moment we took off, I heard the strange sound of 'chee-chee-chee-chee-...'
"What is that?" I asked.

"Grawwwwlll. GGGrrrrrraaaaarrrr."

"It's the ship? It communicates in a squirrel's dialect? That's nuts."

I was then suddenly backhanded by the wookie, which sent me sprawling across the cockpit.


"What? Wookies don't like puns? Now you tell me."

Suddenly the ship shook with a tremendous jolt.


"What? We're being fired on?" I looked out the side window and there it was...Teh Death Monkey had found us.

Then the intercom crackled to life. "Ship Yt2400, what are you doing in restricted spaceways?"

"RRRAawwwwlrrrrrRRR!" stated Chewie.

"chee-chee-chee-chee-chee-chee," the ship tried to clarify.

"Boot-beep-tOOt-wappa-wappa" R2 added, although I think that was redundant.

"What the hell's going on over there?"

"Grrreeeeerrrgh! ARrrrrrAAArrr!," Chewie improvised.

"Wooot!Wooot!Weep!Wop!" R2 nervously backpeddled.

"chee-chee-chee-chee-chee!!!" franticly repeated until my ears bled.

"That's it," said the lemur over the intercom, we're bringing you in."

"Well that worked like a charm. What do we do now?" I asked.

Chewie started to fire the guns full throttle. It didn't matter that Teh Death Monkey was behind us apparently. R2 just spun in circles like a Chihuahua on crack. The ship? Don't get me started on the ship.

Needless to say, their actions did not help in the slightest amount. Within moments we were sucked into the gaping maw of Teh Death Monkey's tractor beam mouth.

By the time the ship came to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelt light went out; we came up with a plan. We would knock out the first couple of stormlemurs that ventured inside, skin them alive, and wear their fur. No one would know the difference.

It worked like a charm. And just as we thought, we were able to walk off the ship completely undetected despite the huge gaping plot hole.

Once out of earshot from other lemurs, I whispered to Chewbacca. "Chewie, take R2 and find our friends. I can sense they are close by."


"Me? There's something I need to do..."

With baton in fist, I snuck away.

It wasn't long before I found myself in an ominous room backlit with blue light and lots of crazy metal steps that led nowhere. It was there, that I saw my old adversary. Darth Wuv! And he was waiting for me!

...To be continued.


flu said...

This is one great saga!...but it's rather sad how so few appreciate a good pun...

So, now that you've ran out on your mentor with no finalized training, teamed up with tagalongs that speak in random onomatopoeia, and successfully driven a semi through your plot to end up face to face with your nemesis: What's gonna happen next?!?!

The suspense throughout this entire story has been killing me!

Well, ok, ok... maybe not killing me, but it is giving me indigestion, I think... and an urge to burst into song... but that's a comment for later.

Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Fluke, man,
Sing with me, man.
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!
There they are standing in a row...
Big ones, small ones,ones as big...
Uh, what were we talking about?
I need a brownie.

Leia said...

His teeth seem to glow of cinnamon.

Anakin Skywalker said...

That is the fugliest space station I ever seen, yo. Grody.